OK – I have to admit … I kind of love this blog post.
My sister sent it to me, because she knows me so well and intuitively knew I would love it. It’s true that part of the reason she knew I would love it is because I like to throw around the occasional f-bomb … (and prepare yourself to read some here), but she also knew I would love the message behind it.
All-in-all … I’m a pretty positive and optimistic person. Yes – I struggle with negativity and perfectionist tendencies. Yes – I tend to be hard on myself. Yes – I tend to overthink EVERYTHING.
And I also work hard to be optimistic, resilient, and positive. But I’m here to tell you something that no one seems to want to hear right now … you’re not supposed to be happy all the time.
With all of the happiness research and happiness articles I’m afraid that people will:
A. Think there is something wrong with them if they aren’t happy all the time.
B. Miss out on the power and growth that come from the “negative” emotions we are supposed to feel. We are meant to feel.
I encourage you to read this guy’s post, follow his advice, and let it all out. It all started when his partner was having a moment of intense frustration and he said to her “Let’s play a game” and the game was to say the word “Fuck …” followed by whatever it was that she was mad at. They went back and forth taking turns to express and expel all of the anger they were carrying around inside.
I would encourage you to try it exactly as he does … however, if F-bombs and sharing with others isn’t your cup of tea you can also just write them down. Free form. No censoring. List out the things you’re angry about. From the things that make you feel pain and rage, to the things that mildly annoy you – don’t hold back. And instead of starting each sentence with “F*%# …”, you can say “I’m angry …” instead. As long as you can feel the emotion as you write it.
It doesn’t even matter what his statements are or what my statements are – the only thing that matters is your list and getting it out so you can free up that space to allow room for whatever you really want to be thinking about and spending your precious time and energy on. This exercise is like emotional feng shui. Some of your statements may feel silly and some, as soon as you give them a voice, will feel surprisingly cathartic. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to bottle up your anger, fear, and disappointment. Sometimes you have to feel it all, call it out, and give it a name in order to let it go. This is part of happiness. You can’t really know and experience happiness unless you know and experience it’s opposite.
So here are a few of mine:
- Fuck being afraid of posting the word fuck on my blog post.
- Fuck my perfectionist tendencies that hold me back.
- Fuck people that don’t use their blinkers.
- Fuck not believing in myself.
- Fuck drivers that don’t let people cross the street.
- Fuck mosquitoes and ticks.
- Fuck letting fear hold me back.
Now it’s your turn.
Mmm, yes. Fuck mosquitos and perfectionism. Two of my least favorite pests.
Thanks for the share! 🙂
‘people that don’t use their blinkers’ :-))) me too
We know about the power of smiling and laughing, but what about crying?
Should be relaxing too or not?
Great question!! There’s a reason why our emotions are connected to our tear ducts and a reason why we feel a release after crying. Crying can actually reduce stress and holding back tears can increase it – so you’re right – in a way – crying can be relaxing too.
Thanks for the inspiration Mike!
I’ve recently suffered a huge set back (as an athlete)…It makes for a super story but living through it is simply awful…
I trained my bum off to run the Boston marathon (3rd time). I was having the race of my life and on par for my goal. Heart break hill slowed me up a bit but I went right back on track until my left leg began to tighten up at mile 23 and then BAM – down I went. I couldn’t even walk. Turned out that my fibula broke clean through. Dr’s suspected a stress fracture (which I didn’t truly feel) that had begun in the weeks prior and with each step of the 26.2 mile journey – that crack got deeper. Anyway – I am approaching 7 weeks of healing and using this matra has truly helped me get through the mental distress involved (my 2015 year could be done which included USAT Nationals and USAT World Championships). I am hopeful that I heal and can still have a year but every day…
Fuck the nay sayers
Fuck this itchy cast
Fuck this beautiful weather that I can’t enjoy
Fuck the pool that I am a slave to these days….
Anyways…you are brilliant and getting it all out does make for positive steps. 🙂
I will see you in Boulder come July. I am looking forward to the Endurance Coaching Summit!
I’m so so sorry to hear about your injury. And the timing of it makes it that much more challenging to deal with. You do have a super story … and super stories are often the most painful kind. Fuck stress fractures.
I’m excited to hear that you’ll be at the Summit! Definitely come and find me!